The Onion reports on the proceedings of the G20,000,000,000 summit, a global conference of insects 'launched 51 million years ago to protect general insect interests in the wake of the tragic extinction of the Eorpidae scorpionfly':

According to those present, the first day’s proceedings began with a discussion of efforts to combat worryingly high larval mortality rates in Africa, which then reportedly led to a joint proposal from various mosquito delegates advocating universal access to stagnant water. The insect representatives also reportedly voted down a controversial plan to ban flying toward big bright lights.

Tempers were said to later flare up as a coalition of bees, hornets, and yellow jackets vehemently opposed initiatives introduced by several influential wingless insects to reduce global swarming. All 20,000,000,000 parties, however, reportedly unanimously agreed upon tighter security measures for protecting insect queens, although leaders differed on which specific queen’s safety was of paramount importance.

Sources said there was then a brief intermission during which leaders frantically feasted on a dead mouse.

(Thanks Hugh.)